8 Things Your Gardener Wants You to Know (But Is Too Polite to Say Out Loud)
Gardening! A delightful, peaceful, soul-nourishing profession. Just us, the plants, and the occasional butterfly flitting by—pure bliss. Except… that’s not exactly how it goes.
Dear wonderful garden owners, we love you, truly. But there are a few things we’d like you to know to make this relationship as blooming marvelous as your flower beds.
1. We Are Not Magicians (Though We Do Try)
Yes, we can do amazing things with a pair of pruners and a bag of compost. But if your shrubs have been left to their own devices since the Jurassic era, or your lawn has transformed into a "wildflower meadow" (and by that, we mean a dandelion and bindweed takeover), it might take more than one visit to set things right. And no, sprinkling coffee grounds on everything will not instantly fix it.
2. Dogs Are a Delight, Dog P**p Is Not
We love dogs. We do. They are our furry little garden assistants—until they leave ‘surprises’ in the flower beds. Nothing ruins a meditative pruning session like an unexpected squelch. If you could give the garden a quick scan before we arrive, we’ll love you forever.
3. Please, Water. The. Plants.
Plants need water. It’s science. I know you think you’re watering but dabbing the soil with a few dribbles from your novelty flamingo watering can once a month is not enough. We can mulch, we can prune, we can even talk to your shrubs if that’s what you’d like (we do that anyway)—but if your hydrangeas are gasping for a drink, we can’t perform a resurrection. Even the hardiest plants have their limits (as do we, when faced with a bed of crispy, neglected greenery).
4. Your Pinterest Board Is Lovely, but…
The dream garden. Lavender colored wisteria whimsically draping over pergolas, symmetrical topiary, a lush cottage border overflowing with effortless charm. Just a teeny, tiny reality check: Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is a perfectly manicured garden. Beautiful gardens take time, effort, and patience. (And possibly a few deep breaths when the weather does not cooperate.)
5. Plants Are Not Furniture
I know, I know—you suddenly lust of having your roses over there instead of over here. But moving plants around like throw-pillows on a sofa does them no favors. They get stressed, they sulk, and some even have the audacity to die. Honestly, plants can be so rude.
6. Autumn Leaves Are Not the Enemy
Leaves in the garden are not mess, they are free mulch! Instead of raking them up in a mad panic and stuffing them into buckets to be hauled away, why not leave them to decompose and do magical soil-enriching things? But, if you truly can’t stand them, please let us use garden mulch in their place. I promise your garden will thank you.
7. Nature Will Always Try to Reclaim Your Garden
We can weed, we can prune, we can wage war on the buttercup and ground elder—but Mother Nature is relentless, (one of the reasons we love her. Thank you very much). If we don’t visit regularly, your garden will fight back. This is why maintenance is key. Think of us as personal trainers for your plants—occasional workouts are great, but consistency is what keeps things in shape.
8. We Genuinely Care About Your Garden (and You!)
We don’t just turn up, hack away, and leave. We invest in your garden. We worry about it. We ponder the best way to shape that rogue shrub. We ask advice from other gardeners about your trees. We take immense pride in making your outdoor space the best it can be. Your joy when everything looks lovely? That’s what we live for.
Final Thoughts
So, there you have it—eight things we wish you knew. We gardeners are a patient bunch, and if you follow these words of advice, we shall all get along swimmingly. And, most importantly, your garden will flourish—without the need for a frantic emergency plant intervention.
Now, off you go. Give your plants a drink. Maybe even twice a week. Go on, be wild.